I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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