she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
