I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
