I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
