Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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