he puts the penis in happiness.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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