my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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