he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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