Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
