see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
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