Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can Purell be used as lube?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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