we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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