one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
