I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
