I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
