If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
