Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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