You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
BRING THE BAGELS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
