was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
