break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
nutella sex= disaster
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize