For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
