I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry my hands just texted you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
