Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
