I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
