why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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