let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
