I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
