I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
