Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
