good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
