I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
