I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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