his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
