Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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