i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
