paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
50% drunk capacity currently
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
