Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
