I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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