You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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