There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
