Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
