i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
