Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
