I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
