yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
