It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
