the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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