So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
