he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
