Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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