My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
