wanna go halves on a baby?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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