I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
