I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
