I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
