I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
